Like this:

I used to be an ‘Emergency Communications Officer’ which is just a fancy name for a dispatcher. I started when I was 22 years old & on my first day a co-worker 10 years older than I was said that I’d never make it. I didn’t have enough life experience to do the job. He said I was still a kid. Four months later, I was out of training, kicking ass on my own…and he was given a choice to resign or be fired. He resigned.

To this day I say that it was my training at that job that made me the person I am today…no matter what I do for work. I was young, yes. Life experience? I had some, but I now know what the guy meant when he said that stuff to me on day one. I was a kid. Still am in some ways…and I hope a part of me always will be. Doing that job stripped a lot of that away from me. I was ignorant. My co-workers called me a baby & they were right for a while. I had led a very sheltered and protected life. But the people that led me through life up until then, my parents, they led by example. They kept a lot of bad things from me because it wasn’t necessary for me to know about those things in order for them to teach me honor, courage, respect, etc… They were well aware I would be corrupted at some point, and I am thankful now that they kept me from that for so long.

There are defining moments in a dispatcher’s career (in all careers really)…specifically in my training…that were true make or break, fight or flight moments. While I believe all people arrive at these moments absolutely terrified…I also believe it’s how they have lived their life up to that point that determines if they will help, or haul ass.

During my stint in headquarters I was known as a ‘shit magnet.’ I took a call, it hit the fan. I dispatched a call, it went down. I have heard peoples last breaths, people attempting to kill themselves or someone else…sometimes successfully, I’ve heard a molestation, rapes, robberies, countless houses burn to the ground, babies beaten, marriages end…I’ve given instructions to people to perform CPR on their parents, children, best friends & spouses, explained to someone how to deliver a baby, and I have had people try to trade me their soul if I could just please make sure their loved one lived!

I learned more in that job then I had in my entire life up until that point. In the three years I wore the headset and answered the calls, but I hated my job. When people call 9-1-1 they are in crisis. No matter how silly a call seemed to the call taker, I always understood that it was a crisis to the caller. That’s what I’ve always wanted to do…be there for people in their time of crisis. I hated that job because when I hung up the phone, it was over. I rarely knew if someone ended up living or dieing, happy or sad or eternally at war with themselves. So i was left eternally at war with myself. It’s a curse of the job…a life of unfinished business…of never knowing the outcome or hearing both sides of the story.

So here I am…writing tickets. Parking tickets. I hate my job…still. And my internal war still seems to be eternal. I want to be a police officer when I grown up. I’ve applied and applied and keep getting denied. So I keep trying to grow up…

I became a runner. I feel more grown now then I ever have! I wish I ran when I dispatched…who knows if my wisdom on the road wouldve transferred over to my wisdom on the phone. Who knows if finding my addiction to Nike calmed me so much, wouldve made someone on the other end of the line feel more at ease. More at peace. But I’m grown up enough to know that I can’t change the past…only the future.

I’m good at helping people. It’s what I want to do and I will never let another person tell me I won’t make it! I’m going on vacation to see my family next month. And when I get home, I’m joining the military. For now I’m joining the Reserves but maybe I will find my place there and go active duty later. Who knows? It all goes back to how I was led as a child…the courage, honor & respect I was taught…the drive to always want to help those who can’t help themselves…the duty I feel in my heart and soul to make the quality of life better for anyone that I possibly can…and the fact that I look so cute in camoflauge! (KIDDING!)

It will be a couple months before I ship out, but I’m so excited about this new venture in life…it’s like I’m already gone…

Today I Love: The American Flag (it always gives me goosebumps to see it folded or flying)

Song of the Day: Already Gone By: Kelly Clarkson